Saturday, March 27, 2010 @ 1:57:00 AM
well, i know i've not been blogging for 3 months and i don't even intend to blog anymore because i'm just plainly too lazy. however, i feel like having someone to talk to and i know its only you who can listen to me and never reply and shoot me back right in the face. so yeah, we quarreled again. like how many times per week man seriously? okay, maybe im the one who started first? but all i ask for is you having and spending more time for me. when you plan that for example today you're going out with your friends, and all you plan for is the schedule of what time you're waking up, to prepare and to meet them. ever thought of breaking down the time to meet me? yes, i know we're living like next block now but that doesnt mean that this can lessen down the time to meet together. like dont take it for granted that i'll live here forever. i will still move out one day and by then, i doubt you'll even plan time to go to my new place to find me.

it just hurts so damn fucking much that you told me that you smoke again. after like what? 2 years of quitting and now you smoke once again. i feel that all the effort that you have taken to quit has gone down the drain. well, maybe smoking will make you feel better then so be it. its your health, not mine. so no worries either. i can dont give a damn but i just feel sad. purely heartache but im sure i'll be fine in a very short while.

all along it has been me who initiates all the break up, some of them are to test test you but some are definitely not. i have many considerations in mind that will we end up splitting after your army which will be commenced in a few months time. which means, i'll end up wasting 4 years of my bloody youth. anyway, the main point is that all along has been me. but today after the quarrel, you told me that you're considering if we should. out of a sudden, i feel that its not me anymore who have the thought of leaving, but you. i felt so vulnerable. like a part of me wants that to happen and another doesn't. the part of wanting is that i can open up to the forest out there to slowly choose a reliable tree that can last me till marriage and old. the other side is because i really love you way too much.

its beyond words and it has slowly become a habit of being with you and taking you for granted. its like i know you'll be there for me. whenever i need your help such as printing and etc, you never failed to help. i know you've been helping me out all these while however, whenever you need my help. i'll procrastinate till theres no tomorrow. maybe im one that is so laid back that i can just even forsake and let laziness overwhelmed me to the point that i dont even bother surfing the net to check out more info about it. till the point whereby my cousin asked me to go for career fair then i start to take a step out.

well, for now all i want to say is that be it you want to be with me or not, i shall just respect your decision.